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Rather than reacting immediately in a situation, knowing your fighting style can help you understand why you respond in the manner that you do so that you can break the pattern of behavior, Mandel says.
Most disagreements erupt when a strength is paired with a weakness, according to Kurland.
If your partner is really passionate or has more conviction about an issue, he should be allowed 85 percent of the desired outcome to go in his favor, while you receive 15 percent in yours.
As time goes on, the acquisition of a desired outcome will go back and forth, allowing for a balanced, healthy playing field, says Kurland.
See if you can find yourself in one of them: Once you figure out your fighting style, you can start to change it.
For example, if you fall under “The Boxer” category, you may be “insecure about your own power and self-worth and therefore must always respond with ‘teaching that lesson,'” suggests Mandel.
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Now that you recognize the fighting styles, you can learn how to banish those bad habits and take on a healthier method of coping with disagreements.
“Never return fire,” says Joel Epstein, author of The Little Book on Big Ego.
The key to determining how your fights reflect on you and your relationship lies in your fighting style. Kurland, author of Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls of Wisdom from Couples Married 50 Years or More, there are two kinds of arguers: those who externalize and those who internalize.
“Individuals who externalize lash out and are very verbal, whereas individuals who internalize withdraw into silent furor,” says Kurland.